::@:: Reality of Dreams ::@::

The following was “created” whilst I was at university and then re-edited and reformed sometime in 2005, it is utter nosense, completly insane and to be honest it worries me… and I wrote it. I have no idea why I am even thinking of sharing this… boredom is probably the main factor… in fact it is probably the main one. Its badly written, poorly spelt, hideous grammar… and its utter insane… be afraid people… be AFRAID!

::@:: WARNING: Seriously Insane Stuff Follows ::@::

One night as I was gently sleeping, awoken, I was, by a frightful sound. No where could I see whence this audible assault is sourced. So I searched everywhere and nowhere, and as I investigated the fluff from underneath my bed thusly did appear a figure appeared at my feet. A nickel and a dime over six feet in its height, a thin wisp of a figure encased in purple leather, peppered with lime green sequins spelling the words, “Boo-ya!” I could not tell wither this being was one side of the line or other, its androgyny merging with a impossible neon blue manga haircut the like of which could slice a lemon in twain at fifty paces.

“Behold young human of the masculine gender whose residence is this earth of this realm I bring you tidings of a strange and powerful news which I wish to share with another. I will reveal to you the truth of the reality that so thinly veils your perceptions.”

“Erm,” I begin to reply in a voice shaken but not stirred, although my throat be as dry as the martini in the beings land slender pale grey hands, “I kinda have work tomorrow. So cheers for the offer but…” the words were barely uttered when I found myself in the place where I was.

The sky was as a painted landscape, the painters still painting looked and doffed their caps in acknowledgement to our presence. They turned and continued their labour in the creation of the sunset for the 18th of June 2006 in Loch Lochy, it was a special order I was informed for a man who was to propose to his beloved. My guide bade me rise and follow, along the marshmallow road. He told me to be wary and not to stray from its guiding lines lest I fall fowl to the strawberry vampires which lurked in the treacle swamp waiting for their chance to devour the clueless traveller dumb enough not to notice a twenty foot tall strawberry with vampire teeth.

As we travelled my guide told me of his purpose in my journey, “You have been chosen to see truths which you are to share with others, these meme’s are to be introduced through you, and the human knowledge cleansed and awoken to its destiny in these ramblings.”

“Oh.” I replied.

We neared a hillock formed in the shape of a shuttlecock, upon which their stood a bullock in a gingham dress, army boots and a hat made from mashed potatoes and a walking can from celery and liquorice. “Halt those which I see can see that I see those who I can see. What is your purpose in this traversing of these ways?”

“We seek the truth behind the lies, to see the maddening truths, to uncover that which never be known, to open the eyes of humanity to the conspiracies which form their reality.” The being said proudly, “Oh… and I wouldn’t mind grabbing a bag of chipped were-penguin essence while I’m at it.”

“Fair enough, just thought I check.” Said the bullock. With that the unseen empty orchestra began to play and the bullock started a melody signing songs from the Sound of Music in the Acid-Jazz-Punk-Death Metal hybrid remix style while dancing across the hills of the land picking tulips made from Edam and Gouda.

“Come we must press on.” The being stated as he reached out with his slender index finger and pressed the on button that was located where the bullock had stood. The sound of a thousand nasty thing walking over a chalkboard while dancing the cancan. The shuttlecock hillock broke forth a doorway of complex geometry and angles. Its frame crafted from a million tangents and thoughts. “Behold the way to the truth. Come, we have a long way ahead.” With that we disappeared. In the darkness that followed I wondered what was to become of, I looked worriedly at my guide. He smiled at me and gestured towards the Large grey disk of his UFO. Emblazoned on the side were the words, “Sponsored by MSN”. I puzzled over this as I was strapped onto my seat and my guide strapped himself in and put his fluorescent pink knee high cowboy boots up on a purple fur footrest.

The UFO took off and as it headed to its hither too unknown destination I turned to my guide and asked, “where are we going, and what do you want with me?”

“We are going to show you the truth behind what your worlds hides in its conspiracies. As for what we want with you… I have no idea, I just do as the controller desires. He is Number one, and you are number six point one.”

“But I am free man.” As I said this an object passed in my side vision, a huge white ball, bouncing, humming to itself a merry tune, something to with peaks, two of them.

“Not for long.â€? Said the guide, interrupting my steam train of non-linear thought, “Soon the knowledge we shall give you shall make you as a Prisoner. for they say Knowledge is power, but knowledge binds you, it ties you to a solidity that cannot flex, that cannot change, your
knowledge is flawed at its most basic level.”

I looked puzzled, almost forming a question as the craft landed. I was escorted from the ship by two female lilac and green elephants standing on their heads while signing a song… a song of purple dinosaurs…
curiouser and curioser. “It must all means something,” I said to myself as my guide showed me the first truth. My heart sank as a set of formulas filled my vision.

“These show that the greatest powers on your earth are evil and are sent to destroy you.”

They read….
Bill Gates 111, when the letters values are added together in ASCII it totals 666.
Barney the Purple Dinosaur, turn all the U’s to V’s and then add up each letter as if it were a Roman Numeral and you will get 666.
WWW, the symbol of the modern age, in Hebrew the letter W represents the number 6, giving WWW = 666.

My Mind screamed as the truth burnt its way in like a really hot pointy thing borrowing into a brain kinda like thing… burrowing. The alien smiled to himself. I quickly turned to him, my eyes full of orange juice tears. “What does it all mean?”

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“Everything you see is nothing, it is meaningless. Everything is but a vision, a dream… a nightmare.” He laughed a deep evil laugh. His mouth fully open revealed row upon row of Christmas trees for teeth, tinsel, fairy trees, and little fairies and all. “Come, I have much else to show you.”

As we turned away from the first sign I felt a touch on my shoulder, it was a man, whose face I could not see, he was smoking something. He whispered in a deep voice, “What you see is the truth, this, this is all a lie that they want you to believe, Mouldy…. sorry Mulder… you are Mulder aren’t you?” He removed the smoking object from the shadow of his face, of course a kipper, he was smoking a kipper. suddenly everything was starting to make sense.

As we settled down for the next journey a puce coloured TV appeared before me and started to show me a film, then Bob spoke again. “What you are seeing is the second sign, the second truth. I will warn you, this has been know to warp the mind of the strongest. It has destroyed the wills of many and many more are its insane, loyal follower for no reason, even they do not know why, they only obey and obey they must. So guard yourself against them my traveller in seek of the small piece of chocolate hidden behind the sofa since last Christmas, called truth.” As the images slowed down and became clearer I could not help but scream in terror. If one thing this journey would teach me is that even the strongest of us can be broken, and broken so easily that even we do not realise it. I would a more full description of the video, of the evils contained there-in, but I fear for the corruption of many less strong. I will give you two names, and two names alone. Please, my fellow humans, DO NOT GIVE IN TO THE EVIL, walk towards the light. Remember who you are, REMEMBER!!! If you doubt then use the following to guide you…

I am who I am, I have no need for cute Manga monsters, they are not real, they are NOT MY MASTERS, they are only a cartoon, a crap one at that, I will not succumb, I will not give in, I will remember always who I am, I will remember, I will remember. For I am who I am, I have no need for cute Manga monsters, they are not real, they are NOT MY MASTERS, they are only a cartoon, a crap one at that, I will not succumb, I will not give in, I will remember always who I am, I will remember, I will remember. For I am who I am, I have no need for cute Manga monsters, they are not real, they are NOT MY MASTERS, they are only a cartoon, a crap one at that, I will not succumb, I will not give in, I will remember always who I am, I will remember, I will remember. For I am who I am, I have no need for cute Manga monsters, they are not real, they are NOT MY MASTERS, they are only a cartoon, a crap one at that, I will not succumb, I will not give in, I will remember always who I am, I will remember, I will remember. For I am who I am, I have no need for cute Manga monsters, they are not real, they are NOT MY MASTERS, they are only a cartoon, a crap one at that, I will not succumb, I will not give in, I will remember always who I am, I will remember, I will remember. For I am who I am, I have no need for cute Manga monsters, they are not real, they are NOT MY MASTERS, they are only a cartoon, a crap one at that, I will not succumb, I will not give in, I will remember always who I am, I will remember, I will remember. For I am who I am, I have no need for cute Manga monsters, they are not real, they are NOT MY MASTERS, they are only a cartoon, a crap one at that, I will not succumb, I will not give in, I will remember always who I am, I will remember, I will remember. I WILL REMEMBER!!!!

The names I share are thus, Pikachu, Charmander… the evil rises even as type these words, run my children, protect thyself!!! The alien who called himself Bob returned to me after my ordeal was over and placed his black leather pink studded gloves on my shoulders and simply said, “The Fast Show is strong in you. You will go far.” After a few more minutes he left me and one of the headless stewardess served me a cold glass of water with a sprig of Foxglove in it for taste.

Then with a crash we landed and Bob returned in a huge Big Game hunter uniform. He motioned to the door where a large guard was standing with two seven foot lime green fur coated Elephant guns. I saw that written in bright pink crayon n his name tag that his name was Bubba. I didn’t argue. He seemed sensitive about such things. It was then I noticed that I too was dressed in hunter clothes. I could feel the handle-bar moustache growing. Bob led us out onto a desolate expanse of solid jungle. It looked like nothing had ever lived here, I pondered this as one hundred geese like birds flew overhead and a herd of mammoths trampled throw the lush vegetation. “Why are we here?”

“We shall witness the birth of the third sign. This is earth, millions of years ago, dinosaurs rule the earth, especially one, the Raptors, and the viscous T-Rex. Come lets go and watch the creation of the main prophet of these conspiracies, the one who has been since before all conspiracies and knows all, but can never tell as he has no brain, or talent, the one they call, Barney the Purple Dinosaur.”

We walked only for a short time, which seemed like days. Until we came across a clearing, where a family of T-Rex’s were eating their most recent catch. The Father kept on insisting for the ketchup which got the mother more and more flustered until she broke down complaining that she had slaved over a hot stove all day, just to have any taste washed away in tomato sauce. The father sighed and apologised, there was a young child there, who didn’t care about the argument we just kept on eating. Suddenly a strange noise echoed across the sky.

The sound was if someone had created a massive mile long spacecraft, which was mainly made from titanium and other strong alloys. From which they had then created a time-space distortion by rapidly accelerating two jam filled donut’s together and had thusly managed create an unstable area of time and space where a wormhole in the space-time continuum could appear and then allow them to perform a traversal of space and time in a matter of seconds. As the object came into view my shoulders fell, I hate it when I’m right.

We watched, Bob reminding me that it will be impossible for me to
interfere, not because of any paradox issues but because we would gun me down where I stood. I watched as the tale unfurled, like, a butterflies wings as it leaves the cocoon and just before it gets crushed by a juggernaut lorry, before me.

The massive ship landed its huge black hull crushing hundreds of trees. A small figure, dressed in pink lamiae monks robes with a ring-pull studded belt and a Margaret Thatcher mask walked out. He moved closer and upon seeing that he was alone pulled out a small pistol shaped object. He proceeded to shoot a plasma shot killing the mother and the father, who were loudly, and surprisingly articulately, protesting about the dinner being interrupted… let alone the destruction of their nice newly arranged walls. The son, still eating, finally looked up and saw the man and what he had done to his parents. I could see and feel the rage welling with him, the man simply looked at the kid and chuckled saying,
“Yesssssss, I can feeel the hateee welling within you, sstrike me down, join the darkssssside, Fufil your dessssstiny.” The T-Rex obliged and chopped the man in half, bits of metal sparked and cogs flew everywhere, a cyborg, I should have guessed by the rather large placard that was surgically attached by duck tape to his back.

Another figure dressed in the same impossible attire walked out and looked at the child, he smiled and waved his hands as if performing some ancient and dark ritual, the only words I could make out where, “You darn pesky mosquitoes, nay!” He walked down the platform towards the now snarling kid. He reached out, and performed a complex dance routine whilst
perfuming Belgian freeform acid-jazz-fusion-poetry. Suddenly a chrysalis of purple silk enfolded the dinosaur. The man removed his mask and wiped the sweat from his brow. He turned towards us, not seeing us, It was the fourth sign, it was the high prince of dark corruption of the worlds technology, The Bill da Gates.

“Come, we must leave this place now, I have one last sign to show you before you shall see it all, in perfect clarity as I do, now, after millions of years in a mental asylum… anyway, come let us go.”

As we flew to our next, mystery direction Bob left me again. I decided this time to follow and see where he went, after following him through miles of corridors I saw walk into a room marked, “PRIVATE: Number 1 Only”, curious I thought and followed in. I saw Bob, my guide, my grey ally in this quest, remove his skin, revealing a human, normal human. He kept his mask on until he sat down in a huge, overly soft, lime green suede leather recliner. He let out a satisfied sigh and answered his ringing banana shaped telephone, “Yes… inform the group that I have persuaded him to follow the ways. He now believes in these conspiracies more than ever. He is a malleable as clay… Yes I shall keep myself hidden from him. He is not ready for the truth, he never will be.” He hung up the phone and lent back in the chair. My heart pounding I stormed into the room and turned the chair towards me, sitting in front of me,
gloating, I saw myself, with a simple purple goatee, smiling back, “So me, you have discovered the fifth conspiracy, that there are no other
conspiracies, that all conspiracies where made to make fools run around and create havoc to cover up the real mistakes of the governments and scientists that they did not want known.”

“But you are me, and I am you, and we are all together, how is that possible.”

“I guess that’s just another conspiracy!” with that my vision blurred and I found myself lying under my bed in my room a piece of mouldy cheese stuck in my hair and a mouth full of fluff… I shook myself, and regained my composure. I sat for hours writing this to see if it all would make sense, if my vision could be brought into one moment of crystal clarity among it stinky mess.

Nope… its all just purple banana’s and steak milkshakes, hold the lime.