::@:: Reality of Dreams ::@::

Another post written as the day went on (get used to this style)

After a restful sleep I awoke to another muggy day, I went down to school there was no one really around and I couldn’t see where the air conditioning was switched on from so I grabbed the books I needed and headed home feeling progressively worse. I really hope this heat goes away soon if not I do not think my body nor my mind will be able to cope.

Feeling a bit better now I’ve cooled down and have started reading through these books I am supposed to use (well to be exact I am just currently reading the curriculum books) I find it very amusing that in the English books they state, and I quote:

“Mathematics, grammar and spelling are taught as rule-governed activities. If they are not taught that way (if, on the contrary, they are taught as arbitrary matters in which the individual may “do his own thing”), then the purpose of mathematics, grammar, and spelling in society is destroyed.” (English 7 - Curriculum, page 5)

Okay… couple of points, I have never heard of anyone being able to teach mathematics as anything BUT a rule governed system, its kinda the point. I find the statement above also funny in regards to spelling because if they really were obsessed (which they seem to be in other bits I have read) with teaching proper rules for spelling (implying one true set of values) then surely they would want to use Oxford Dictionary English spelling and not Americanised spellings?

Again I quote: “Science is presented as one way that man can fulfil the Genesis command to subdue the earth and have dominion over it.” (English 7 - Curriculum, page 6)… erm… I think that’s twisting the meaning a tad.

I cannot help but feel as I read through this that I will not be able to teach such things, for one they are not being internally consistent, and two their teachings are dodgy to say the least. They promote conservatism as the only true way for a Christian to live:

“We can without hesitation present political conservatism as the Christian’s proper response to America’s glorious heritage because of our biblical perspective.” (History of the World, in Christian perspective - Curriculum, page T4)

Well I suppose basically I am socialist in my viewpoint because I believe in a more level society structure, one with public health care, benefits for the elderly and infirm, a society that looks after ach so that none goes without. Hence my next issue, these books teach that free enterprise is somehow not only okay but Godly! Excuse me! But free enterprise is almost utterly unbibical as it exploits the poor and forces those in need to work harder for less. The biblical ideal is that of fair-trade and equality amongst humanity this is shown most obviously in two portions of scripture, one in Acts 2 where it mentions that the believers pooled their resources and sold goods whenever they needed so that none of them would go without. Then Jesus himself says that whatever we do to the least of these we do to Him. He mentions the poor, the needy, the sick and more and how we need to take care of everyone equally and help those in deepest need… which free enterprise doesn’t do (it may be an effective and profitable system but it is not biblical).

I firmly believe in certain things and I am willing to go so far in compromise and accepting other beliefs, however, I also believe that there are certain issues I cannot allow myself, even in association, be party to. These ultra-conservative right-wing fundamentalist pro-free enterprise concepts are such issues. As many of you know I have been brought up a Christian in the Salvation Army and I hold firm to my churches ideals and values (even if I may debate the methods) of social action, mission, discipleship, and worship. These ideals and values have shaped the Salvation Army into a force for good, trade justice, and social activism. I have also been raised to defend my beliefs and stand firm on what I believe yielding only when prompted by the spirit of my error.

When these matters meet, that of my beliefs and what I am being asked to teach, it has left me in a bit of a bad situation. I do believe that I was called out here for a reason, yet I am now confronted with a test of my character and what I believe and the calling of my heart. So, no matter how much it may hurt, I must stand firm and say that I will not teach, nor be party to such teaching. I cannot be for if I allow it then what I have said in the past, the things I have said I believe in would be called into doubt. I will not allow that, I can’t.

So now as I try and figure out the best way to approach this I cannot even contact my mentors and guides, those I would trust to guide me, I am alone in this (well as alone as you can be with an omni-present God). Yet as I type I do not fear the result for in the end I will do what I believe is right in Gods eyes and He is my judge not man. I will be called to account in the end for all my judgements and all that I have said and done, and I admit that I have done much wrong, and said many wrong and hurtful things but perhaps now this is my chance to atone in part to set the record straight and say, “This is what I believe, I cannot say otherwise.” Perhaps that is why I had to come, to reach a place where, alone and without a place I can run to, I must be strengthened and made bolder for some other task. I have now ventured abroad, I have seen a country I have always wanted to (admittedly at the moment I have seen very little), I have been tested and although it has been tough even in these short few days I have learned much. I have relearned what true hospitality is like and that language is no barrier to God’s people. Then again this is supposition and guess work, I still must face my employers and with boldness and also humility state my case and hope we can work out a solution.

Just to be less serious for a moment, for lunch today I had croissant’s, well, Japanese packaged ones… which is abit odd.. nice and buttery but odd.

Well, I have met with one of the main people and tried to talk the issues over. I stated that I have problems with the fundamental ideals and some of the other topics in the ABEKA books, I said it was because of my beliefs and my view on what scripture says on subjects that caused this. After some talking I was told that they could not hire someone who is unwilling to teach their beliefs which are reflected in the ABEKA books. It was tense conversation I kept cool and explained that this was not an easy choice for me to make and one I approached with prayer. They did not budge saying that they we’re disappointed that I am not willing to accept their beliefs. I tried to explain that these were core beliefs of mine and so were what made me, me. That didn’t help… so basically, I have a problem.

While nothing is set in stone and the final decision is yet to be made it looks very much like this once in a life time opportunity has gone the way of the dodo in under a week. Beliefs… you gotta love ‘em.

Man this sucks.

But as much as I am sad, I cannot be too sad, for I cannot change who I am and I am unwilling to compromise my beliefs for the sake of a job.

That being said… it still sucks.

I can’t help but think of all those people who gave so many generous gifts, I feel in some way that I am letting them down, but, would they be more let down if I did something I didn’t believe in?

This sucks.

I’ll keep you all updated…