::@:: Reality of Dreams ::@::

Another short story, I thought I’d try and break from my normal and do a romance… now I know why I don’t write romance Oh, and this is a work of fiction, any similarties to person/s and/or event/s, either past, current, or future, is purely coincidence… okay?

Love Story

I saw her standing on the other shore, it was early in the morning and the dew glistened like amber jewels in the dawning sun’s light. The mist hung tight to the lochs glass surface, the two locked in a gentle care. The sky coloured by the lightest wisps of clouds and the gradation of purple to lightest blue and to deep red.

She stood there, silent. Watching the spectacle of nature, its beauty which has inspired since time immortal, its awe inspiring visage carved deep into the very psyche of humanity. Yet for all this my entire being focused on her. Her presence awakened old memories, she stirred passions, brought the glimmer of light in the darkness.

A sudden splash from landing swan diverted my attention for but the briefest of moments but it was too much and I was alone. It was as if she had melted into the mists of the loch, a ghostly apparition of my solitude. I had come to this place seeking a place to be me, a place where I would be free from the pressures of the life I was expected to live, a life which almost grew too much.

Slowly over the years I lost more and more friends. I was too afraid that when they knew me, truly knew me, I would be cast aside as defective and broken. For years I had tried to be something I wasn’t, I wore a mask, I hid behind what was expected of me by whoever I was with. Slowly, however, the mask crumbled, I became afraid. The world gave me an excuse and I chose to grab it. I withdrew inward, using work, tiredness and such as an excuse. I thought that I wanted to be alone, but no I didn’t, I was just afraid. The phone stopped ringing, the texts stopped arriving, slowly but surely I had got what I thought I wanted. Except that I was more than just alone, I was withdrawn, removed from the world I lived in.

I sat on a large fallen trunk, staring into the disrupted loch. Its ripples slowly decreasing, becoming smooth once more. The sun continued to rise majestically over the imposing landscape while the rush within me continued unabated.

My self imposed solitude was broken a month ago by a friend who never stopped calling, never stopped trying. He broke through my ill conceived fortress and called me to task. He was right and I had finally reached the point I knew he was right. It would have been easy for him to condemn and chide but instead he lifted me up and dusted me off. We decided that I needed a holiday and he booked a cabin he knew off in the Highlands and said I should go, examine myself, do something to exercise the issues within me. He would join me near the end of the week and if I wanted he would talk with me. The part of me that had started this sorry affair was repulsed and wanted to pull away, I almost listened again but I knew I had to take the chance.

So here I was, the first morning, alone in the beauty, or not as alone I had first suspected. I sat for hours, watching not just the unfolding day but also wishing to see her again. If only for a moment. It was not to be. I elected to spend the rest of the day in the hills drinking in the refreshment it was giving me in body, mind, and spirit.

My dreams that evening were haunted, disturbed visions of the way I had treated friends. Deep buried fears and memories flooded back. I found myself awake most of the night my mind unwilling to sleep in case more came to light.

I made my way to the loch side for dawn, hoping she would for some reason be there again. If only to settle myself that she was in fact real. The sun rose, its path virtually unchanged but the entire appearance was different, unique, just for that day. I was so caught up in it that I almost missed the woman across the lake, I saw her as she made her way into the light forest. Then all was still once more.

For the rest of the day I felt alone, but not in the same way as before I came. This was different, this woman, who I knew nothing about, had somehow made a deep connection with me. Her mere presence on the other side of a loch could fill me with joy, and make me feel like the real me again. I saw a small local map under the table in the lounge, I opened it to see that it was marked with a small dot showing where the cabin was. I saw that on the other side of the loch was a small village, nothing else for miles. I have no idea what came over me but I decided to drive to the village and see if I could once again catch sight of the woman.

This was utter madness my mind screamed as I drove, my heart refused to listen eager or again bathe in the warmth. Some small part of me hoped that I was just going mad, as it would make what I was doing more understandable. The village was indeed small, a few houses, no more than twenty, a small shop come post office, and the obligatory pub.

I parked and went to the shop, the kind old woman behind the old till smiled a warming smile and asked the usually polite, and yet searching, questions as to what brought me to their small town and the like. I bought a national and a local paper and answered politely, lying to some degree as to the true reasons behind my visit. It was late enough that the pub was open and serving food, that was the excuse my heart needed to venture in.

As I walked in I was struck by what confronted me, it was like stepping back in time twenty or more years. It did really feel like the dictionary definition of “Small Local Scottish Country Pub� would just have this places picture. I nervously ordered food and a drink and took a seat out of the way. It felt as if the eyes of everyone was on me. The feeling lessened as the food, hot and hearty, arrived. I turned to thank the woman who delivered it, I stumbled out a thank you as I gazed, open mouthed, at her. She was the woman from across the lake, everything was went odd. She smiled at me, and my heart melted, my mind surrendered to its impulses and I was lost.

I finished my meal, all the time trying to think of what to say to her. How could I tell her, should I even tell her? I was reduced to the nervous thoughts of a school boy. I could scarcely believe myself capable of such emotional turmoil and indecision. When she did return for my plate I blurted out, “I… I, eh, erm, was it, eh, you I saw this morning at, eh, oh whats it called, the nearby Loch?â€? Curse myself, I was by no means illiterate or incapable of such conversations but something about her disarmed me so completely I was helpless.

“Yes?â€? Her voice sounded slightly nervous and questioning. “I’m sorry but I didn’t see you.â€?

“Eh, oh no. I was on the other side… I’m staying at the cabin there.â€?

“Oh… that nice.â€? And with that she was gone, I could kick myself. Why did I do that, what was the point. My annoyance was fast becoming anger in the seconds after she left, but then she cast a look back at me. Did she look at me because she was interested? No, it couldn’t be that, it had to be that I had made her nervous, she probably thinks I’m going to be stalking her. I grabbed my stuff and left, not casting a look anywhere else except to the exit.

The whole situation at the pub had sunk me into such a foul mood I went to bed with my mind furious at itself for allowing itself to be so misguided. I did not leave watch the sunrise the next morning. I dared not in case she was there and either she saw me, ro I saw her and done something as stupid as last night.

The day dragged on, it was tedious, try as hard as I could her image and smile would not leave me. I thought, I’ll go back to the pub tonight and see her again, this time to do nothing more than to get her out of my mind.

That evening I walked in, it felt more comfortable this time. I guess I was not as much of a stranger this time. I took my seat and waited. I was nervous… I began to think I should phone my friend and tell him that I was coming back, then she appeared. My heart skipped a beat, my defences eroded.

“I didn’t see you at the loch this morning.â€?

I paused, shocked at her statement, “No, I slept in.�

“Shame, it was so beautiful this morning, there was a light frost in the air.� My being yearned after her, why? I did not know her, I only just saw her, this was nonsense, stupidity of the highest level.

“I’ll have to make sure I don’t miss it again, I don’t get to see such sights in the city.â€?

“I thought you were a city person. Glasgow?�

“Yes actually.� I smiled nervously.

“I bet you’re some high pressured worker or something?â€?

“Not exactly, I’m just a glorified data entry clerk. I’m just here as I got too stressed.â€? What did I just say? I realised I had said it before I could stop.

“Such a shame, we get a few like you every year. They usually leave feeling much better. Hopefully you will to.�

“I already am, thanks to you.â€? … crap… “… and this places food.â€? I laughed nervously trying to cover up my embarrassment. She just smiled gently and went back to work. I sank in my seat wishing the world would just swallow me whole.

I was about to get ready to leave when she appeared again, “Do you mind if I join you for a bit?�

“No. Please,� I gestured to the seat in front of me. She sat down two drinks in hand, she gave one to me.

“I hope you don’t mind but I bought you a drink, I just looked it up to see what you ordered.â€?

“No, thank you very much.�

We talked. For hours, but it only seemed like a few minutes. We talked about our families, our schools, university, jobs, the city. Before I realised it was closing time and we said out goodbyes. I went home in a state of elation. I could barely sleep I felt so charged and excited. I no longer cared why she made me feel this way, or that I just met her. None of that mattered. I just wanted to see her again.

The next morning I rushed to the loch side, the rain was heavy, but I didn’t care. I waited. The sun rose. The day dawned. She did not come. I put it down to the weather. She wasn’t at the pub that evening either, no one had seen her that day, but they said the weather may be causing problems as it had ruined to full gale force storm that afternoon.

When I did not see her the next morning or evening. I feared the worse. The locals had not seen, or managed to get in contact with her either. They had done all they could they only hoped she was okay. I went back to the cabin, it felt cold and empty. Where there had been light now was chaos. My mind raced creating horrible scenarios and making me fear not just the worst but the statistically improbable.

In the dead of night as I watched the log fire burn I heard a knocking at the door. They had found her, she had been killed on the way home that night we had talked, at least thats what I feared as I opened the door to the dark figure.

“Hi, can I come inâ€? came her voice. I stood and stared. “Well… can I?â€?

“Oh yeah, sorry.� As she came in I explained how no one had seen her since before the storms and I had grown concerned.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to make you worry.â€? Her cold hand rested gently on my cheek. “I just wanted some time to get my head straight.â€? She sighed deeply, and looked confused. I knew what she meant, I pulled her close.

“I know what you mean.�

Our eyes met truly for the first time, and nothing more was needed to be said. We embraced in front of the roaring fire and my brokenness found completeness. We kissed, and the world dissolved into nothingness.